What did the finger say to the knuckle?
Answer: One more crack out of you and
I'll kick you out of the joint.
By Perfume7

A woman was mailing the Old Family Bible
to a brother in a distant city.
Postal Clerk: "Does this package
contain anything breakable?"
Lady: "Only the Ten Commandments."
Unknown

"My son's letters always send me to
the dictionary," bragged the father
of a Harvard undergraduate.
"Your lucky," replied his friend.
"My son's letters always send me
to the bank."
Unknown

"Boy, I am scared," Mike said to George,
"I got a letter from a guy who said he'd
break my legs if I didn't stop seeing his wife."
"Well," replied George, "I guess you'll
have to stop seeing his wife."
"Easy for you to say."
"You like her that much?" George said.
"It's not that," declared Mike.
"He didn't sign his name."
By Alex Thien

Dream job: running the complaint department
after the meek inherit the earth.

Los Angeles Times Syndicate

Helen goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor,
you've got to do something about my husband, he
thinks he's a refrigerator!"
"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the shrink
replies. "Lots of people have harmless delusions.
It will pass."
"But, Doctor, you don't understand," Helen insists.
"He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light
keeps me awake."
John R. Lopez, Jr.

An old man was rowing a boat on a lake when a frog swam up to him
and yelled, "Mister! Mister! I'm really a beautiful princess.
Kiss me and we'll live happily ever after!"
The man put the frog in his pocket and rowed to shore. The frog
called out again, "Hey, mister! I'm really a gorgeous princess.
Kiss me and we'll live happily ever after!"
Still the man said nothing and walked down the road toward town.
The frog was getting angry at being ignored. "Why don't you kiss me? I told you I'm really a beautiful princess."
"Listen, lady," the man replied. I'm 90 years old. At this point
in my life I'd rather have a talking frog."
Chantell Williams

Sarah sent her husband, Bill, to the grocery store late one night.
When he got there, it was closed. He noticed a bar next door, so
he went in and struck up a conversation with a woman. They talked
and laughed, and next thing you know, he was at her apartment.
He woke up at 2 a.m. "Oh, no," Bill said to the woman. "My wife
will kill me! Do you have any talcum powder?" Soon he dashed
home, and when he got there, his wife was standing at the door,
furious.
"Where have you been?" she demanded.
"Well, the store was closed, so I went into the bar next door and
met this woman, and we laughted and talked and went to her
apartment."
"Don't lie to me!" Sarah exclaimed. "Let me see your hands!"
The man held out his hands. "You've been bowling again, haven't
you! she said!
Pat Hall

We were married about a year when people started asking
when my husband and I would start having children. The
question came up at a family gathering, and I gave my pat
response, "We're keeping our fingers crossed."
Murmured my mother: "If that's all you're doing, I didn't
explain it right."
Molly Boyland

There's a dog with such a high I.Q. that
his owner sent hime to college. When he
came home for the Christmas holidays, the
dog admitted he had learned neither
history nor economics, but added proudly,
"I did make rather a good start in foreign
languages."
"Okay," said the owner, "say something in
a foreign language."
The dog said, "Meow."